It’s me. I’m my worst enemy. I am aware of the fact that I am willing to take a lot of risks and take new paths. Yet, I am conscious of the fact that I make fulfillment very hard. I have to spend a lot of energy convincing myself that I can do it.
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.
Coping mechanisms for my relentless attack on myself
It has gotten a lot better over the years, but insecurity is always right around the corner. I’ve learned to deal with it immediately when it comes along, but it makes me lose a lot of time. I feel myself getting anxious for no reason, and I have trouble focusing on my work.
I have a few tools that I use to make it better like
- taking walks – this is my #1 way to calm my mind
- writing about how I feel – that’s how this blog started
- dancing like no one is watching – yes, I really do this
- talking to other people – gets me to stop overthinking
I admit that one thing that I have a lot of trouble doing is talking to other people about my anxieties. When I’m anxious about something I will talk but often avoid the thing that is bothering me most. I know it would help, but opening up and making myself vulnerable is too much in moments like that.
What's next?
I don’t know what’s next, to be honest. I will continue to do my best to make this better. I don’t really have a choice since I’ve chosen a career where I won’t succeed unless I get better. I’m my worst enemy right now, but that doesn’t mean it must stay that way. In the meantime, I’ll keep walking, writing, dancing, and talking to calm my over-stressed nerves.
Good news! In the meantime, things are getting better. Maybe there is a chance for my self-esteem… Believe in yourself or fail. It’s all about you now – Road Less Travelled (road-less-travelled.com)